I’m not out to blame my parents here but I’m just trying to understand whether the affects of the rows in childhood can cause anxiety or confidence issues in later life. Yet muggins here couldn’t relax because I found it too stressful. And then like usual it calmed down and they were chatting jovially again. Even on their 40th wedding anniversary, we all went for a trip somewhere to celebrate (haha) and there were bad tempers and arguments before we got there. I hated the way Dad would shout at Mum but my siblings and I often were at the end of it as well – calling us ‘useless’ and ‘stupid’ children on many occasions. I was always on my guard and on the lookout for things that would set the arguments off. Whilst there was absolutely no physical violence in the house, my father was and is prone to a terrible tempers which would blow up about nothing so I would often walk around on egg shells. I would go to bed with my ears in my fingers so I didn’t hear them shouting. I woke up every Saturday morning to screaming. I dreaded the weekends because my father would be around and I knew there would be awful rows. However, I loved my school and for me this is when I remember my parents starting to really row. My mother has often said that I lost my confidence when I was about 10 and she has always blamed my school. I seemed incapable of handling it and still 48 hours later, I am still thinking and stressing about it. I was also embarrassed because the row was in front of my husband and another guest. My heart rate was racing, I felt sick and I barely slept that night. My parents started having a terrible argument and it was almost like I was a ten year old rather than a married, adult woman. Having visited my parents at the weekend, it’s now beginning to dawn on me why I am, like I am. And I’m prone to anxiety and low self esteem. For example I wouldn’t even send restaurant food back if something was wrong with it. • Get some assistance or at least some company of people who also want to change.I’m in my mid 30s and I cannot deal with even the most basic of conflict – it causes me terrible stress. • Healing this pattern of fighting/arguing can often involve remembering painful events from your own childhood. • Focus on the love you have for your children or youth to give you courage to get over your fears of changing these patterns. • Learn some alternative methods of expression and problem solving. • Find other parents who have the same challenge and support each other in protecting your children or youth by freeing yourselves from fighting habits. If you can’t change this pattern, your children or youth will have to or they will pass it on to your grandchildren. On Our Own We Would Try: • Wholesome Pleasures • Bedtime Stories and Chats • Back Rubs and Foot Massages • Replace sodas, juices, sugars, fats, fast foods with water, veggies, whole grains, nuts, protein, fruit, slow food • Long Walks/Hikes • Nature • Pets • Less or No TV, Movies, Video/Computer Gamesįor Parents: • This is an important family pattern for you to change. Such parents are often unaware of the pain they cause their children or youth.
GROWING UP WITH PARENTS WHO FIGHT PROFESSIONAL
Such parents often have been bullied and victimized themselves, so that they cannot even imagine seeking professional or spiritual help to learn new ways of handling stress and communicating needs. Parents who often argue or physically fight show their unhappiness these ways for a number of reasons including: being exhausted, frightened, lonely and needing energy trying to get their own way copying patterns learned in childhood during the parents’ own childhoods poor role models for being parents lack of self awareness lack of communication training prolonged depression/anxiety or other mental illness addictions financial stresses low self-esteem nutritional imbalances exposure to environmental pollutants. Children & youth exposed to frequent parental fighting can become anxious and/or depressed. This fear takes energy away from living, growing and learning. When parents argue/fight and show unhappiness, the children or youth get frightened because they can’t help their parents. Children & youth are hurt emotionally, socially, physically and spiritually when their parents are continually arguing, fighting or are unhappy.
GROWING UP WITH PARENTS WHO FIGHT HOW TO
They are stopped from learning how to effectively get what they need. Children & youth learn to be both bullies, victims and unsuccessful communicators.
Without assistance, children & youth tend to copy their family patterns when they grow up. Without assistance for both children & youth and their parents, this sort of thing can slow learning and teach patterns that can last into adulthood. How To Help Children And Youth Affected By Parental Fighting, Arguing And Family Unhappiness Frequent, Ongoing Problems At Home
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